I was never REALLY ready

10 Sep

When I got married, a good friend of mine asked me about our family planning. My response was: we are not ready. His response: if you will wait until you re both ready you will be way in yours 50s. 3 Months later, I got pregnant.

Yes, I realize that I was not really ready. Or, better said, I didn’t fully comprehend what parenting is really about. I had always wanted to become a mom and after having my mom as the perfect role model, I pictured that having a family must be very similar to this (older) Coke ad where everyone sits around the table (including the golden retriever, of course) smiling at each other, all full of love. No tension, no frustration. A perfect family.

The funny thing is that I thought I know everything there is to know about parenting. My sister has 3 beautiful girls. I am and always have been very close to them. But visiting someone else’s kids for a few hours is something completely and utterly different than being a parent yourself. 

When my son was born, reality slapped me in the face. What was I supposed to do with a baby which cried inconsolably for 6 hours straight every day for 3 months? Why did breastfeeding hurt so much in the beginning? I was terrified. N. was terrified. Unfortunately there are no crash tests, or manuals, on how to properly raise your kids. I threw myself into reading books about parenting. Tons of books. The more books I read, the more confused I got. Then he got sick and I felt it. I listened to my instinct as a mom and it proved to be the best thing I ever did.

You learn to become a better parent by doing mistakes. There is no other way. I see that now.

The last five years have proved to be the most exciting, breathtakingly wonderful, insanely beautiful, happy, thrilling, challenging years of my life. Although I sometimes miss my old (sleep as much as you want) life, there is NOTHING greater in life than being a parent. My family means the world to me. My biggest fear and worst nightmare is that something bad could happen to them. I hope I can protect them, I promise I will eternally love them and I hope that they can forgive me during my human moments when I make mistakes.

Love

xxx

T

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