I am always amazed how unbelievable happiness and inconceivable sorrow can co-exist at the same time at the same location. While I was waiting for my mom to come out of surgery I was looking at the people around me. Some were happy, some sad, some stressed, some lonely, some ecstatic, some petrified and some were just simply bored. But we all had had something in common: we were all waiting.
I usually don’t mind waiting. If I know the time frame of the actual wait I can deal with it. At the pediatrician for instance. We always wait. Either half and hour, 45 minutes or even an hour. I take some snacks and drinks for the kids and we all try relax. Relax while waiting. It works.
Yesterday nothing worked. My sister, my father and myself waited patiently for two hours. That was our time frame. We talked, we laughed, we pretended everything was ok, we discussed my mom’s possible outcomes and then we started that ritual all over again. The time passed, it seemed much slower than usual, but it did pass. After these two very long hours we all failed in waiting patiently. Time was passing unbelievably slow, we stopped laughing, we stopped talking, we just jumped at every announcement hoping that we would finally hear my mom’s name. One more hour passed. The longest and most indescribable stressful hour. And finally there it was. The announcement we were waiting for for the last three hours.
The operation was long and difficult. It didn’t look too bad but we really can not know until we get the biopsy results back in about 10 days. We will need to wait. Again. But now, I have my time frame again. Now, I will patiently wait. I will focus on helping her recover from surgery. That is my main goal now. One step at a time. I will deal with the rest of the shit later.