you didn’t marry your kids, you married your partner

7 Nov

A few days ago I sat down and had a drink with a fellow mom from Yiannis new school who lives just around the corner. Her kids are older, one of them has already finished school and is now studying abroad. We had an interesting discussion about the school in general, the various differences between the Greek and the German schooling systems, how our kids perceive these differences etc.

I enjoyed our discussion a lot, although at times we did not agree with each other. But that is ok. I have really learned to agree to disagree with people (I am still learning to do that with N. though).  She was direct, she did not filter as such, she just said what was on her mind. I really appreciate that. I like directness. I know where I stand with my direct friends. There is no hidden agenda. No sneaky peaky false pretends.

After an extensive talk about the school we started talking about ourselves as mothers. She told me a few things that got to me. She mentioned the importance of teaching our children to be independent. If we do EVERYTHING for them, how will they learn to do things on their own? This is a typical Greek thing almost all moms have. We are overprotective. Some are more and some are less. Then she mentioned that sooner of later a mom or a wife or a partner must not focus their whole lives on their kids. Our kids, she said, take up more or less 20 years of our lives. What happens with the rest?? What happens whey they leave our house? In which black hole will we first fall when we are left alone?

‘You didn’t marry your kids, you married your partner’. How unbelievably true. How immensely real. I may be too young (oh, I like this) to realise the depth and the full meaning of the above sentence. I thank her for reminding me to never forget the man I chose to  stand by my side. And oh boy, am I glad it is N.



7 Responses to “you didn’t marry your kids, you married your partner”

  1. marina November 7, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

    A mother is always a mother…..after 20 years she will also be a mother. The point is not to forget that she is a woman also all these years…Independence will come eventually if you grow up complete personalities….xxx

  2. ramblingsfromamum November 8, 2012 at 10:40 am #

    This reminds me of my Memoir that I have written
    The Empty Nest – A Mother’s Hidden Grief.
    Yes we should teach out children to be independent, sadly I don’t think I was such a good role mother on that score.
    When my husband and I separated – I think I spoilt them a little for not having their dad around. I am over protective that’s why it hit me hard when my girls left.
    However you must maintain the relationship with your ‘other half’ because when they do go (your children) if you don’t have that bond with significant other …the lasting for eternity type, you will end up staring at blank walls, and wonder what is to happen with your life.
    Good Post! 🙂 x

    • wonderlandbytatu November 8, 2012 at 10:52 am #

      thanks a lot! I really appreciate your input as you ARE the one that has actually gone through that phase. I hope that when time comes I will be as prepared as possible, although I know it will tear me to pieces when they actually do leave home..

      • ramblingsfromamum November 8, 2012 at 10:37 pm #

        You are most welcome. It’s a time that you feel you will be in control and strong & you will fall in a heap. You have such a long way to go though, so enjoy every cranky,stubborn,hilarious,back-chatting,argumentative,loving,cuddly moment you can till then 🙂

  3. littlemisswordy November 9, 2012 at 5:27 am #

    What a great reminder! So often as a mom raising two children, just trying to get through today I forget that one day they will be adults and have their own lives. I know and hear it often…enjoy them while they’re little and I do! However, I’ve also seen moms and couples at a total loss as to what to do with themselves and each other when the kids are no longer their daily focus. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

    • wonderlandbytatu November 9, 2012 at 8:40 am #

      I am glad you liked it.Yes, I have even seen couples who are not on good grounds and decide to have a kid to improve the relationship, a pure recipe for disaster! what we do with my husband is we try to go on a two day break (from the kids) twice a year just to get some quality one on one time. It works wonders

      • littlemisswordy November 10, 2012 at 6:44 pm #

        Those breaks are a great idea. We have relocated so many times, we are always lacking in the sitter department. We make it a point to fly one of the grandmas in for a weekend every once in a while. Expensive but well worth it!!! 🙂

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out / Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out / Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out / Change )

Google+ photo

You are commenting using your Google+ account. Log Out / Change )

Connecting to %s

to pin or not

a place to test all of my pins and let you know what I think

wonder bites by tatu

food that makes me happy


Homemade recipes-Homemade Fun

Simone's Thermomix Essentials

Thermomix; Thermomix recipes; family; everyday cooking


Current & Breaking News | National & World Updates


Communication Tips To Help Your Relationships Flourish.

Γι΄ αυτούς που κρατούν ανοιχτούς τους λογαριασμούς τους με τη ζωή

Hungry Hannah

● Food ● Life ● Health ● Wellness ●

Loni Found Herself

Finding Myself. Finding Happiness.


Recipes and ramblings of a domestically inclined medical student


Burger Perverts Welcome

Ramblings From A Mum

This is my journey, my thoughts, my views, plain and simple and from my heart. Please travel with me and share, hopefully it will be an interesting trip.

Seth Adam Smith

Life Is Worth Living

Have a Yummy Day

A fine site

The Matt Walsh Blog

Absolute Truths (and alpaca grooming tips)

Life Aboard Two Choices

Pete & Lu's Sailing Adventures

The Clothesline

Chronicles of an overwhelmed mother

The Adventures of Fanny P.

...because life is just one big adventure...

kids recipes and organised chaos

Being a SAHM, cooking real food and learning to be organised


i want to see more stuff shaped like a cross

State of Alaska

Life's a joke. Might as well laugh.

Hiking Photography

Beautiful photos of hiking and other outdoor adventures.

mancakes..the blog



family travel and food

Cheeni Thoughts

a lifestyle blog!

Inspirational + Awesome

Inspirational quotes, stories and videos + Awesome pictures

A Teachable Mom

Attitude. Latitude. Gratitude. One Lesson at a Time.

Meditating Mummy's Mostly Bookish Blog

I live to read, to be, to see the world ...

Our Life In Action

All you need is a little imagination


Sharing my experiences

Larry D. Bernstein | Freelance Writer, Blogger, Educator

everyday bits & pieces of a desperate housewife & stay-at-home mom

here's to YOU, who You have become so far, and who You have yet to BE, Simply You Just BE!

Cloudy, With a Chance of Wine

Funny stories about my functionally dysfunctional life

Used Not Confused

Fashion is Passion

Fiammisday Blog Come Vestire i Bambini

come vestire i bambini?Fiammisday, il Blog di moda per mamme e bambini che ti consiglia l’outfit giusto per ogni occasione

Roll Over and Play Dad

Everyone in this house needs to calm down

Ambitious Kitchen

Sweet Treats + Healthy Eats

Adventures with Finn

Weekly Dispatches from Dad: Exploring Life with a three year old

My Fourtography Life

four children and a photography habit to support

The World according to Dina

Notes on Seeing, Reading & Writing, Living & Loving in The North

%d bloggers like this: