you didn’t marry your kids, you married your partner

7 Nov

A few days ago I sat down and had a drink with a fellow mom from Yiannis new school who lives just around the corner. Her kids are older, one of them has already finished school and is now studying abroad. We had an interesting discussion about the school in general, the various differences between the Greek and the German schooling systems, how our kids perceive these differences etc.

I enjoyed our discussion a lot, although at times we did not agree with each other. But that is ok. I have really learned to agree to disagree with people (I am still learning to do that with N. though).  She was direct, she did not filter as such, she just said what was on her mind. I really appreciate that. I like directness. I know where I stand with my direct friends. There is no hidden agenda. No sneaky peaky false pretends.

After an extensive talk about the school we started talking about ourselves as mothers. She told me a few things that got to me. She mentioned the importance of teaching our children to be independent. If we do EVERYTHING for them, how will they learn to do things on their own? This is a typical Greek thing almost all moms have. We are overprotective. Some are more and some are less. Then she mentioned that sooner of later a mom or a wife or a partner must not focus their whole lives on their kids. Our kids, she said, take up more or less 20 years of our lives. What happens with the rest?? What happens whey they leave our house? In which black hole will we first fall when we are left alone?

‘You didn’t marry your kids, you married your partner’. How unbelievably true. How immensely real. I may be too young (oh, I like this) to realise the depth and the full meaning of the above sentence. I thank her for reminding me to never forget the man I chose to  stand by my side. And oh boy, am I glad it is N.

xxx

T

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7 Responses to “you didn’t marry your kids, you married your partner”

  1. marina November 7, 2012 at 9:23 pm #

    A mother is always a mother…..after 20 years she will also be a mother. The point is not to forget that she is a woman also all these years…Independence will come eventually if you grow up complete personalities….xxx

  2. ramblingsfromamum November 8, 2012 at 10:40 am #

    This reminds me of my Memoir that I have written
    The Empty Nest – A Mother’s Hidden Grief.
    Yes we should teach out children to be independent, sadly I don’t think I was such a good role mother on that score.
    When my husband and I separated – I think I spoilt them a little for not having their dad around. I am over protective that’s why it hit me hard when my girls left.
    However you must maintain the relationship with your ‘other half’ because when they do go (your children) if you don’t have that bond with significant other …the lasting for eternity type, you will end up staring at blank walls, and wonder what is to happen with your life.
    Good Post! 🙂 x

    • wonderlandbytatu November 8, 2012 at 10:52 am #

      thanks a lot! I really appreciate your input as you ARE the one that has actually gone through that phase. I hope that when time comes I will be as prepared as possible, although I know it will tear me to pieces when they actually do leave home..

      • ramblingsfromamum November 8, 2012 at 10:37 pm #

        You are most welcome. It’s a time that you feel you will be in control and strong & you will fall in a heap. You have such a long way to go though, so enjoy every cranky,stubborn,hilarious,back-chatting,argumentative,loving,cuddly moment you can till then 🙂

  3. littlemisswordy November 9, 2012 at 5:27 am #

    What a great reminder! So often as a mom raising two children, just trying to get through today I forget that one day they will be adults and have their own lives. I know and hear it often…enjoy them while they’re little and I do! However, I’ve also seen moms and couples at a total loss as to what to do with themselves and each other when the kids are no longer their daily focus. Thank you for sharing! 🙂

    • wonderlandbytatu November 9, 2012 at 8:40 am #

      I am glad you liked it.Yes, I have even seen couples who are not on good grounds and decide to have a kid to improve the relationship, a pure recipe for disaster! what we do with my husband is we try to go on a two day break (from the kids) twice a year just to get some quality one on one time. It works wonders
      xxx

      • littlemisswordy November 10, 2012 at 6:44 pm #

        Those breaks are a great idea. We have relocated so many times, we are always lacking in the sitter department. We make it a point to fly one of the grandmas in for a weekend every once in a while. Expensive but well worth it!!! 🙂

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