5 illusions of motherhood

9 Nov

I had a blissful childhood. My mom was the most warm, tender, patient, fun mom in the world. She played with us for hours, she let us paint on our summer flats walls (respect to my dad for going along with it), she crafted and let us nearly demolish her kitchen at the attempt of cooking and just let us be. She threw children’s parties like no one else that are still fondly remembered some 25+ years later. She made everything seem so easy.

However, having the ‘perfect’ mom as a role model proved to be a liability and not an asset when I became one myself.  This is my list of motherhood illusions:

  1. Being pregnant will magically turn you into this perfectly shaped beautiful mom to be. Unless you are Gisele Bundchen or any other Victoria’s Secret top model chances are that you will become a fat, swollen up version of yourself cause the ‘I have to eat for 2 now’ theory is a load of crap.
  2. Breastfeeding is wonderful. Yes, I agree. It is wonderful. Wonderfully challenging is how I would put it.
  3. Having a child with your partner strengthens your relationship. Oh boy…If you manage to make it through as a couple the first six months of your baby’s life then your chances of sticking together are pretty high.
  4. Sleep like a baby. I don’t even know who came up with this phrase and why the truth behind it is the exact opposite of what everyone means when they describe someone who slept well. Babies DO NOT SLEEP WELL. The sooner you come to terms with that the better (for everyone included).
  5. Having a baby won’t change anything. Yeah right…Nothing at all. You just lose yourself, your independence, your friends, your sleep, your life as you know it.

Bottom line? Be human, make mistakes, let your children witness your flaws, apologize when you must and try to enjoy as much as you can. After all, they are only babies once, thank God 😉

xxx

T

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7 Responses to “5 illusions of motherhood”

  1. nothingbythebook November 9, 2012 at 11:01 pm #

    I’m fairly new to your blog, but I just wanted to tell you how much I enjoy your honesty.
    This: “Having a child with your partner strengthens your relationship. Oh boy…If you manage to make it through as a couple the first six months of your baby’s life then your chances of sticking together are pretty high”–is so true. And if you’ve made it through the first three years two or three times, well. I think you’re well set. 🙂

    • wonderlandbytatu November 10, 2012 at 8:50 am #

      This is what makes it all worthwhile. Once in a while some (still) stranger coming along and just dropping a comment as real as this. Thank you so much, you ‘ve made my day. And yes, I wouldn’t have it any other way (than being honest). If I can make anyone feel less guilty and more normal I have succeeded.xxx

  2. ramblingsfromamum November 11, 2012 at 12:56 pm #

    May I?
    1) Being pregnant will distort your body and yes unless you are a Supermodel or have the $ for a personal trainer 24/7 afterwards or exercise your butt off ..yes your body shape will change and not bounce back that quickly…but bless us… look at why we have that shape and the outcome 🙂
    2) Breastfeeding isn’t for every mum, I fed both my girls and they weened themselves..I know other mums who have tried and haven’t been able to for various reasons. There should be no judgement about if you breast feed or bottle feed..as long as bubs gets fed is all that counts 🙂
    3) Hmm interesting one.. we were married (not that I think ‘one’ must be to have a child) and unless baby is totally unexpected then partner/hubby should be in it from day dot, the trials and the tribulations, the good and the bad all the way.
    4) Agreed…different times, different lengths of sleep, different needs and one can feel like tearing their hair out ..just when you think finally..ssshhhh no one move… the peacefulness is broken 😦 under the heading some of the not so joys of children 🙂
    5.You sound angry with this last paragraph…are you? You shouldn’t lose friends because a baby comes along..if you do – they weren’t friends in the beginning. You lose who you are…but yes your time is now that of a mother..you get lost a little in the way but isn’t that what it’s all about? Your life changes because of another one that is your own, you cannot help but change..you see the world differently, one in which your role is to protect and nurture..but you remain the same 🙂
    End paragraph – yes they young but only once, so enjoy every minuscule moment of them.
    Sorry for being so long winded and I hope what I wrote doesn’t seem harsh in anyway. I was just responding to what you wrote and it’s difficult with words and not seeing the persons emotions. I couldn’t read if you were upset or angry or just saying how you saw it.
    xx

    • wonderlandbytatu November 11, 2012 at 1:47 pm #

      Of course you may! I love it when my posts generate discussions!
      Did I come over as angry? I am not sure angry is the right word. A bit disappointed, a bit tired, a bit lonely sometimes yes. I wrote this on a not so good day. I promised myself I would be true, 100% honest on my blog. That is why, what I usually write, represents what I feel at the exact time. No filtering, no ‘dressing’ things up. You know what I mean?
      Yes, you are absolutely right, times have changed. I am a mother now. A very proud mother. I love my family to pieces and I wouldn’t change a thing. I am also very much aware that time goes by way too fast and when I will eventually look back I will miss these days horribly. However, sometimes motherhood is tough and lonely and frustrating. On such a day I wrote this post. I hope it is a bit more clear now?
      Please don’t apologize, I am touched that you took the time to read and comment and try to understand. xxx

  3. ramblingsfromamum November 11, 2012 at 1:56 pm #

    Phew… I am glad you weren’t angry 🙂 I follow the people I do because I am interested in what they have to say..sharing their thoughts and feelings. I am glad you are a proud mum and I am totally with you on having days that make you feel alone or even ‘is it worth it’ …baby steps. I appreciate your honesty for that you were tired and having a bit of an off day. I was hoping you wouldn’t feel that I was …well commenting unfairly.. all is good and thank you for your honesty. 🙂 xxxx

    • wonderlandbytatu November 11, 2012 at 2:39 pm #

      no, really you don’t have to worry about this at all. I am open to constructive criticism and I really appreciate it unless it comes with wrong intentions.
      xxx

  4. Ice Beautiful November 12, 2012 at 3:19 am #

    I agree with everything you have said! I could not say it better. Probably no.5 hit me worst after I became a mom – I have not thought about it before and it was difficult.

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