While I was shutting down my computer last night and announcing to N. that I was off to bed, he turned to me and asked: what? just like that? no apple tonight? For some strange reason we are both too tired to do anything after we put the kids to bed. We have the same
argument conversation every night. ‘How about some fruit?’ ‘How about it? I usually reply’, something as simple as peeling and coring an apple is a task we both dread at THAT time of the evening when all we want to do is NOTHING WHATSOEVER.
This post is not about the apple (obviously).
This post is about marriage and communication and reasonable expectations and sacrifices (yes, even in the tiniest little form of sacrificing 5 minutes of your precious, yet much deserved, zoning out in front of the computer/TV/iPad/iPhone time to peel and core the apple for your better half).
There is a scene in the movie ‘the break-up’ where Jennifer Aniston is arguing with her boyfriend Vince Vaughn on how she expects him to do things for her without even having to ask him. After trying to convince him to drop what he is doing (playing games on PlayStation) in order to help her with the dishes and moans long enough to succeed, she then tells him that he shouldn’t help her after all since he wasn’t willing to do it in the first place. ‘I want you to want to do the dishes’. This line has stuck with me ever since.
I am well aware of the fact that we women are complicated creatures. We over analyze and have too many expectations in terms of demanding the person right next to us to know where we are coming from. I used to be like that as well. A lot. I had something in my mind and if it didn’t turn out the exact way I expected it to turn out I fussed and moaned and nagged and all the other beautiful verbs you men use for us women. And N. always told me the same thing: ‘if it bothered you that much, why didn’t you say something in the first place?’
Then I had my kids and I grew up (see? I blame everything on them).
I lowered my expectations and started communicating better. I now say what is on my mind before over analyzing it and blowing it out of proportion. And it usually helps. Not always. There are still times when I think: I want you to want to do the dishes, the only difference is that I say it out loud.
Until next time