I knew my day was off to a bad start when I spent the first half hour of the very early morning in the bathroom trying every parenting technique in the book to convince Yiannis to pee in the cup for his annual blood and urine examination. I think the I-will-slap-the-pee-out-of-you-if-I-have-to did the trick.
I then dragged his very hungry and thirsty little ass to the Social Security Organization to renew our family health book only to encounter Mr Chauvinist no 1 treating me as an imbecile for not understanding the 156th change in the renewal procedures.
After making us wait painfully for 25 minutes for no reason whatsoever, he practically threw the health-book in my face and told me that I had insufficient documents. It was 08:30 in the morning and I was already starting to lose my patience. I left frustrated and angry and remembered why I despise going to all Greek public social services.
While driving to the clinic for Yiannis’s blood test Mr too-old-to-drive-let-alone-have-a-drivers-licence Chauvinist No 2 forced me to reverse my car when he misjudged the distance between our two cars and almost crashed into mine. He then slowly passed my car, lowered his window and started swearing at me for no apparent reason. Poor Yiannis heard more swear words in the one sentence the grandpa articulated than he has heard in his entire life.
The first tears of the day were shed.
A few minutes later I pulled myself together, entered the clinic with Yiannis, handed over the pee in the cup only to be told that he actually didn’t need a urine test. G R E A T. The whole parenting fail had been for nothing.
We returned home to cranky Iliana who was trying to deal with the lack of sleep and too much TV (fatal combination – I can reassure you). After inhaling a toast in milliseconds (have I ever told you I use food as comfort??) I played the referee between the siblings who were out to get one another and mainly THEIR MOM (or so I thought).
I tried to reason with them, it didn’t work. I tried yelling, it didn’t work either (it never does). I tried threatening that I would not take them with me to the local farmers market, it didn’t work either. In my last attempt to get their attention I turned into Cruella and started hitting the trash bin. Not only did it not work, I now have a semi broken trash bin.
We avoided each other for half an hour. It worked. I apologized and we hugged and then I tried explaining to them that I am not having one of the best days and they kept on saying: mama, es max nix! Oh but it did. I felt awful. I felt guilty. I decided to move on. I didn’t have the time or energy for self loathing. I left the house with the kids and went fruit and vegetable shopping.
In the late afternoon I kissed my kids goodbye, left them with my mother in law and headed to Yiannis’s school for a parent teacher meeting. I was tired and sad but I was thankful that I didn’t have to deal with bedtime as I was confident that I would commit the 3rd parenting fail of the day.
3 Minutes later I was pulled over by the traffic police.
‘License, registration & insurance’ were the orders of Mr Chauvinist no 3 (and worst of all). S H I T. The insurance paperwork had failed to reach our address on time (no surprise at all if one thinks of the lack of Greek postal efficiency) and although properly insured I was lacking the evidence to prove it. I tried explaining Mr Scumbag that and showed him the email of the insurance. Not only did I fail to convince him of my innocence I was ordered out of my car and threatened to be ripped off my licence plate & driver’s license should I not comply.
I approached cop no2, handed over my papers and tried hard NOT to completely lose the tiny amount of patience I had left. I was given 2 tickets. One was for 10 EURO for not carrying the insurance papers and the other one was for 500 EUROS for the lack of proving I do have an insurance. You see we still live in the Stone Age where police cars are NOT online with the system to double-check the validity of the insurance. I now have to go to the post office, pay the 10 EURO, go to the police headquarters to prove the validity of the insurance and erase the 500 EURO ticket. WHAT the fuck FOR?
I love my country but not on days like this.
Until next time