Archive | 8:41 am

an open letter to the chief of the mosquitoes lurking around my house

17 Jun

Dear Madam (yes, this Madam-the brothel Madam)

This HAS GOT TO STOP.

Seriously. I know your subordinates have needs (don’t play me the pregnant card) but this has gotten out of control.

I am furious as Iliana woke up this morning and looked more like Muhammad Ali than my precious, sweet little girl. NOT COOL.

First of all, you have half of the 24 hour circle to annoy us with your stings. This does not automatically give you the freedom to use the remaining 12 hours to sting along.

I know my kids are super sweet but there is a limit. 21 mosquito bites is WAY over that.

Don’t mourn over the brutal, smashed-on-the-wall death of one of your bitches. She definitely had that coming for her.

Should you feel the need to sting, please do so on myself and on other self sacrificing moms out there.

I am still holding a grudge against your zillionth African cousin for ruthlessly destroying my honeymoon. I haven’t let go. I probably never will.

Yours truly

T

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