an open letter to the chief of the mosquitoes lurking around my house

17 Jun

Dear Madam (yes, this Madam-the brothel Madam)


Seriously. I know your subordinates have needs (don’t play me the pregnant card) but this has gotten out of control.

I am furious as Iliana woke up this morning and looked more like Muhammad Ali than my precious, sweet little girl. NOT COOL.

First of all, you have half of the 24 hour circle to annoy us with your stings. This does not automatically give you the freedom to use the remaining 12 hours to sting along.

I know my kids are super sweet but there is a limit. 21 mosquito bites is WAY over that.

Don’t mourn over the brutal, smashed-on-the-wall death of one of your bitches. She definitely had that coming for her.

Should you feel the need to sting, please do so on myself and on other self sacrificing moms out there.

I am still holding a grudge against your zillionth African cousin for ruthlessly destroying my honeymoon. I haven’t let go. I probably never will.

Yours truly





4 Responses to “an open letter to the chief of the mosquitoes lurking around my house”

  1. sakuraandme June 17, 2013 at 10:18 am #

    Hahahaha!! All joking aside they drive me batty!! Hugs to Iliana…Kill those suckers. Lol
    Hugs Paula xxx

  2. ramblingsfromamum June 17, 2013 at 12:27 pm #

    Loved this! So love your evil side and I am sooo in agreement with the mosquito hating. They love me, I have royal blood..ok I say I do, when I don’t, and I come up in welts. Poor Iliana 😦 go get em hun. xx

  3. nothingbythebook June 17, 2013 at 4:10 pm #

    The true vampires of the world…

  4. Ice Beautiful June 18, 2013 at 3:58 pm #

    I was laughing to tears! Speaking seriously, try lavenders (dry plans/flowers or oil) – I have heard that the smell scares mosquitoes. I have heard that the combination of clove, lemongrass and lavender oils is pretty good for that.

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