I recently had a conversation with a good friend of mine, a mom of one adorable little toddler, and the topic of guilt came up.
It was the first time she had left her son at her mother in-law’s for a sleep over and she was feeling guilty about it.
N. was the first one to notice. You see, he has lived with a guilty driven mom of two for the last 6 years and he sees the signs immediately.
‘Don’t feel guilty. He will be fine. Try to enjoy your free time.’
Oh…what does he know? He is a father. I am not sure he fully comprehends the power of MOMMY GUILT. I know the feeling all too well. I even bought a book about it.
It all starts from day 1 (the moment you realize you are pregnant). All of a sudden EVERYONE around you knows better. Heaven forbid you are a first time mom. Do this, DON’T do that, eat this, don’t even think about drinking that, blah blah blah.
If you are a bit like me, lacking even a teeny, tiny bit of confidence, you are officially SCREWED.
The guilt trip continues. Unless you are having a natural birth at home, breastfeed the picture perfect little baby of yours 24/7, be in constant joy and feel incredibly happy and blessed, YOU HAVE BEEN AUTOMATICALLY DOWNGRADED to the MEDIOCRE MOM CATEGORY.
Top that with your sleepless nights and shocked realization that this baby is HERE TO STAY, you fall into this
black grey hole where you are starting to lose yourself and become obsessed with trying to be THE PERFECT MOM.
DOES IT WORK?
NO WAY, JOSE.
What does happen though, is that you are heading slowly but steadily towards your first (and unfortunately not your last) mommy meltdown.
‘I have failed. I am a shitty mother. Why can’t I make it work?
If none of the above seem familiar, congratulations to you, YOU ARE SUPERWOMAN!
Guilt is a powerful feeling. If you let it rule your life I guarantee you, you will be miserable. Can you get rid of it? No, of course not. But you can learn to control it. You can shush the inner voice at times when you know better.
Stop. Breathe. Take. One. Step. At. A. Time.
Is it going to be easy?? HELL NO. But it’s definitely going to be worth it.
Until next time