breakdown no 49

17 Oct

Mom, what’s wrong? Are you crying? Are you upset? Are you having a nervous breakdown? little Iliana fired at me while I was blowing my runny nose.

WHAT??

Is this the first thing that comes to the mind of my 3 year old (OK, 4 in January) daughter when she sees me blowing my nose?? Is it more logical for her to assume that I am upset rather than simply having a cold? 

What’s wrong with this picture?

The truth is that the last couple of months have been quite challenging. Both kids have been trying to adjust to the new school realities and so have I.

Yiannis started first grade and realized how much he loved playing as opposed to sitting still in a classroom. He returns home and lets it all out on his punching bag mom. His frustrations, his worries, his mood swings. The whole deal.

Then comes Iliana. She enjoyed the first week at kindergarten. The Monday after she informed me that she has had enough of school and that she prefers staying home with me. Once she realized this was not the case it all started to go down the drain…My little miss sunshine slowly turned into a depressed shriveled little cloud. She stopped eating, she stopped sleeping, she started screaming at nights, she started complaining about headaches, stomachaches, tiredness. She has become miserable. Remember how I was reluctant to put her into kindergarten in the first place?? 

Maybe it’s not them, it’s just me. Plain and simple burned out me.

I am not coping with the whole parenting thing well right now. The guild trips are coming and going. The once decisive T has become vulnerable and self doubting. Should I keep her home for one more year? Is this really worth it? What’s the point anyway if she is not enjoying herself? What happened to our generation who only went to kindergarten for a year, when we were 5? 

One thing is certain (besides that I love my kids to pieces). Whoever decides to have more kids than one, OK two, is a HERO in my eyes!

Until next time

love

tatu

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19 Responses to “breakdown no 49”

  1. kidsrecipesandorganisedchaos October 17, 2013 at 11:49 am #

    Tatu, when I make it to Greece (ok, it may be a year or two!) we are gonna hang out and drink copious amounts of alcohol. Ok? Ok.
    Your emotions that you described sound so much like me lately. Parenting is such a rollercoaster ride, and sometimes you are just down. Try and get some time out for yourself, and see you soon for that drink 😉

  2. ramblingsfromamum October 17, 2013 at 12:29 pm #

    Ok when did Iliana start going to Kindy? If she has only been a few times I would say persevere, this is a learning curve for both of you, she has been mummy’s girl for so long and misses that during the time away. She will make friends and soon won’t mind leaving mummy at home. If she not emotionally prepared you will know soon enough. If she has been going for some time and you feel she isn’t coping – pull her out, it will do her no harm. Some kids just aren’t ready for the separation early. Try to encourage about what she will do each day and mummy so wants to see what you draw today or the name of a new friend today..push her limits a little. If she isn’t sleeping, eating properly and she has been there a while as I said – she’s not ready. Now breathe mumma- breathe – all will be well..I’m right here 😉 xx

    • wonderlandbytatu October 17, 2013 at 4:04 pm #

      She started a month ago. She was fine in the beginning but then she started getting bullied at school and since its a public school with 29 children her age in the same class nobody really pays attention. I persevered for the first few weeks but last week was a total nightmare, she refused to get on the bus, she constantly cried (at home and at school) and she has just been a mess. She is home sick now and she is feeling awful health-wise but she is happy again. A lot of people tell me that if I take her out of school now I am giving her the bad example, like that she gets what she wants but I have the feeling there is more to it. Maybe if I were happier with the school and had more faith in the teachers things would be different. Thank you so much for your encouraging and loving words. You give me hope. Love xxx

      • ramblingsfromamum October 18, 2013 at 12:19 am #

        You have spoken to the Principal / her teacher? No other schools in the area she can attend? I thought it was Kindergarten she attended not School – sorry probably misread – if it’s Kindegarten – pull her out. If School – talk to the Principal/Teacher. They have to be advised that her activities during the day may suffer because of her being bullied and her unhappiness. Find out if any other child is being bullied – ask the questions T – they are only babies they don’t need this shyte. Talk to the parents of the kids concerned? Don’t let this slide, bullying is too prevalent and dangerous to ignore – no matter what the age. Here for you. xxxx

      • wonderlandbytatu October 18, 2013 at 6:24 am #

        You are right. I mean kindergarten, school was just a figure of speech. Yes, I talked to her and she told me that this is an adjustment period and that I should give her time. I ve been there before though with Yiannis. He had trouble adjusting in the beginning as well but he was fine after a couple of weeks. And they always told me that the minute I left he forgot all about the separation anxiety and was a happy kid. What made me worry the most about Iliana is that she has been crying at school the whole day for the last couple of weeks and they didn’t care telling me about it because they hoped that it would get better. I told them that she mentioned some kid bullying her and they asked me who it was. She won’t tell me though. She just said that she is afraid to go outside during break cause this girl is hitting her. Anyway, I think I have made my mind up. I don’t really see the point in keeping her there. Thank you for all your support. It means the world to me. Love xxx

      • ramblingsfromamum October 18, 2013 at 7:37 am #

        No don’t keep her there if she is being physically abused and the teachers and Principal of the School need to be advised. Parent – committees’? Meetings to bring this to everyones attention? Asking the teacher to keep and eye out for her in her breaks (unseen) to see who is the offending child? I would stalk the place myself! Poor little poppet – hope all turns out and no problems sweety, if I can advise or help in any way- I’m here for you. xx

  3. mmtread October 17, 2013 at 12:45 pm #

    You know, it’s a difficult question, but I’d say keep her home this year. The downside, of course, is that you never get a break. The upsides, though, are that she has a chance to mature another year before being sent out into the big bad world, she gets the benefit of one-on-one attention from you, and lastly, that she will simply be much happier. The insomnia and night terrors are a sure sign of too much stress.
    Of course, it’s just the beginning of the year and in a month she might love it. Might. But for what it’s worth, I think that unless it’s absolutely necessary, the anxiety of school just isn’t worth it at this point.
    The fact that your 3 year old assumes that you’re having a nervous breakdown would seem to indicate that you’re pretty freaked out by the whole thing. Relax. The more relaxed you are, they more relaxed your kids will be.
    Anyway, feel better, don’t freak out about it, and just do what your gut tells you.

    • wonderlandbytatu October 18, 2013 at 6:41 am #

      Thank you Mat. I think you are right. It is a big bad world. She will get there eventually. Why not keep her from it for a little while longer? The thing is that it took me totally by surprise because she was practically begging me to go to kindergarten. She is a very happy, very lively, very sociable little girl (as opposed to Yiannis who is the low key introvert quiet boy) and I was confident that she would strive. You see, you never know what goes on in their little minds.
      How do you like Sitges?

      • mmtread October 21, 2013 at 9:54 pm #

        Well, those are just my thoughts. But it seems like there’s no rush, so why rush? It’s not like you’ll ever regret spending this time with your daughter.
        Sitges is great. It’s beautiful, it’s on the sea, it’s full of great restaurants and vineyards and hiking trails. The only downside is that my wife is insanely busy with her new job, so we don’t see much of her. Hopefully that will change, but right now it’s a challenge. We also don’t have any friends locally yet, but that will come in time.
        I’m really humbled that you would take my opinion to heart, and I wish you and your little ones the best.
        (And by the way, got any photos for the latest FNFF competition? We’re a bit short of competitors, and I’d love to see anything you’ve got.)
        Cheers, Tatu!

  4. momtimes4 October 17, 2013 at 3:35 pm #

    Hang in there!!

    • wonderlandbytatu October 17, 2013 at 3:55 pm #

      how do YOU do it? please tell me.

      • momtimes4 October 17, 2013 at 4:00 pm #

        Ha Ha!! I never know what way is up and some days are a blur. 🙂

  5. meditatingmummy October 17, 2013 at 7:27 pm #

    Tatu, hold on, I’m coming. We are going to talk and I’m bringing wine because I need it myself. We will giggle and we will talk about our children… No, actually, we will talk about ourselves. Oh and I’m brining chocolate.
    I think kids feed off our emotions, it happens to me a lot. I am stressed, anxious or worried, my kids are naturally like that. They carry our weight through sickness and other anxieties. I carry my emotional worries around my body sometimes, and I get sick because of it.

    It will be okay. If Iliyana is still upset and isn’t doing well at school emotionally, you can decided if you want to pull her out. But let it run for a while and see if she finds anything positive about her experience at school. I know what you mean about teachers, and not having faith in them. It makes your job that much harder because you lean towards pulling her out, don’t you?
    Smile T, she will settle. Watch her carefully and as Mumsy said.. Ask her to draw you a fun picture or if she made a new friend, ask about the friend. My eldest had huge separation anxiety at age 3. She cried when I left her at the school and it broke my heart every time. Within a week, she had settled in with a whimper every now and then.
    xxx

    • wonderlandbytatu October 18, 2013 at 6:35 am #

      Oh…that would be so out of this world awesome…
      You are so right. Kids do feed of our emotions. And when you are psychologically a mess you do tend to get sick as well…Lower immune system and the sorts.
      I tried everything. I explained to her that she will enjoy herself there, that they will do crafts and learn new songs and even prepare a Christmas play. The whole time she answered I can do that at home too (apart from the play obviously). I can’t recognize the child she has become. It is almost funny. Last night when I tucked her into bed she told me: Mom, tomorrow morning I will have a headache. 😉
      It also took Yiannis a couple of weeks to adjust when he first started kindergarten but he was very happy after that. Iliana just gets worse and worse. Anyway, enough said.
      How are you and the girls? Did you get my email?
      Lots and lots of love xxx

  6. memyselfandkids.com October 17, 2013 at 11:04 pm #

    Sorry you and the kids are having such a rough go.
    Why were you hesitant about putting her into kindergarden? Maybe, your instinct was right and she is not ready for it – hence the problems.

    • wonderlandbytatu October 18, 2013 at 6:28 am #

      Thanks Larry. I was hesitant because I don’t work so she doesn’t really need to go to kindergarten, I just thought she would enjoy herself there as I don’t have the luxury at home to sit down and play with her all day. I still have a household to run. If I did work however I could probably afford a private kindergarten with a more family oriented background. Anyway. We ll see. Everything happens for a reason, right?

  7. elpida October 18, 2013 at 10:33 am #

    Dear Tatu, usually kids do not like at all kindergarten either they are private or public ones. The story does not change…they still have to share things, toys, accept criticism from other kids (kids are the most strict critics), obey to school rules, synchronize with other kids and generally the school’s program. It’s a totally different story even if those things happen at home too…As the time goes by…they accept the fact that they cannot do differently… usually the dislike going to school anyway…they prefer the combination of mom and home…they feel more safe and free to act. Personally i CANNOT be a stay at home mom…i will go CRAZY…this is not me! I love my kids soooooooo much but spending all my time at home with them is a disaster…i become a really bad mom!!SO…NO CHOISE FOR ME…

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