I am not there yet

29 Nov

…but I am trying.

The first few days after the news, N. & I found ourselves in a dark place. How could this have happened? We had been so careful. Or so we thought. We were in complete denial.

We predicted worst case scenarios. We needed to believe that this “problem” will somehow magically disappear. God or the Universe or whoever is in charge up there would realize that he/she/it probably mixed up the really deserving couple who have been begging for a baby for the couple who were super contempt with just two kids.

“There are other options” we were told.
“Make a list. Weigh the pros and the cons.”
Seriously? I could think of a million cons as opposed to only one pro: I couldn’t bring myself to have an abortion. Not know, not after I’ve had two kids. Not after realizing I am damn lucky to have found my better half, a great husband and loving father.

Apart from totally freaking out about the financial issues that suddenly arose with the new addition he told me the one thing I needed to hear: “I won’t do anything more than I am already doing now”, YES he said that in a moment of weakness but when I blackmailed confronted him that I am not interested in raising the third on my own but I couldn’t have the abortion he said: “I will support you, no matter what” now that was more like it

What now?

Does this mean that I will suddenly fall in love with no 3? No. I wish It were that easy. I am still trying to get used to the whole idea of diapers and breastfeeding 24/7 and sleepless nights and gaining all the weight back on and…. WAIT!

Newborn smell, little fists and precious first everything

Pure LOVE!

Until next time

Love

Tatu

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5 Responses to “I am not there yet”

  1. memyselfandkids.com November 29, 2013 at 6:30 pm #

    Your internal conflict is really coming through. I hope you ultimately come to a decision that works for both of you. I think you would ultimately love number three just like one and two.

    • wonderlandbytatu November 29, 2013 at 7:20 pm #

      We took our decision but I am still working on taking one step at a time and taking things easy. You know?

      • memyselfandkids.com November 29, 2013 at 7:24 pm #

        Yup, I think so. The biggies take a while to sink in and it happens in stages.

  2. ramblingsfromamum November 30, 2013 at 7:16 am #

    Take it easy, but N is going to be there for you and to help you and you will find so much joy in #3 because of what you have experienced with 1 and 2 – you know what to do – you will be more relaxed (after you get over the night feeding etc etc ) You answered your questions yourself with your lines of newborn smells – little fists…pure love 🙂 Hang in there honey it will be amazing – and can’t wait for the blogs as you go forward 🙂 xx

  3. Elina Zambounis December 3, 2013 at 4:39 pm #

    That’s the spirit Tatu mou!!!
    And as I said, if I can be of any inspiration/help/offer, I will be more than happy to provide it to you!!!

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