NEVER take ANYTHING for granted

23 Dec

‘I want a boy’ Yiannis reassured me in his unique non negotiable way.

‘I want a girl’ Iliana fired right back at him.

‘What do YOU want mom?’Yiannis asked me.

‘I don’t mind honey, the only thing I want is a healthy baby’ I replied with a timid smile on my face (let’s not forget I am still getting there).

Little did I know that this picture perfect Sunday morning family cuddle would be the last carefree daydreaming of baby no 3.

Three hours later I was standing in my own pool of blood, alone (N. had just dropped the kids off at my moms) and petrified. Trying to make sense of the unthinkable.

After a few frantic tries to reach N. On his cell I called my gynecologist. While crying and sobbing I tried to articulate what had just happened:

‘I think I just miscarried….there is so much blood everywhere….what should I do?’

‘Come to the hospital right away’ he replied in a calm but firm voice.

15 minutes later N. walked in, only to find me sitting on the floor in the worst state of all (that would have been one hell of a Dexter scene).

After I managed to convince him that I first had to clean myself up before going to the hospital (yes, he was THAT shocked), we took a few things and drove off.

We didn’t say much to each other on the ride to the hospital, he held my hand while the tears were effortlessly falling down my cheeks.

Did I cause that? Was it my negativity, my feeling of despair? My selfish denial of not wanting to adjust to the new reality?

It’s not your fault, don’t torture yourself now he said to me and I decided to take his word for it.

We found my sister Alex waiting at the reception. She hugged me and I cried. Again. I felt bruised and battered and empty. But I was wrong.

‘The baby is fine’, I heard my doctor say while he was doing the ultrasound. If I hadn’t seen it myself on the monitor I would have never believed it, not in a million years, not after such a blood loss. ‘But…’he continued in a more serious tone, ‘you have a placental abruption and you have lost a lot of blood.’

‘What?…what does this mean?’ I knew exactly what it meant but I was in full denial.

‘It means that you have to spend the night in the hospital for observation and if you are ok tomorrow you can go home’

‘And? What will happen home?’

‘You will have to stay in bed.’

‘But I can’t. I have two small children. Who will take care of them?

‘One day at a time. First of all, be thankful that your baby is fine. And then take it from there.’

I was. I am. I want this baby. If that was God’s or the Universe’s extremely cruel way of making a point, I can reassure you:


Until next time



P.S. Merry Christmas and happy holidays to all


18 Responses to “NEVER take ANYTHING for granted”

  1. Daphne December 23, 2013 at 10:01 pm #

    You did NOTHING wrong Tati. Sometimes bad things happen – but this too, shall pass. Sending you all my love and a big hug!

    • wonderlandbytatu December 24, 2013 at 10:07 am #

      Thank you Δαφνούλα! Not the type that sits tight, but I will have to figure it out. Lots of love, kisses to all, enjoy Pilio for us too, ok?

  2. expatsincebirth December 23, 2013 at 10:08 pm #

    Oh Tatu! I don’t know what to say. This is such a shock but, at the same time you are so lucky that your baby is ok… you’ll need help and I’m sure you’ll get it. Ich wünsche dir von ganzem Herzen, dass es dir bald besser geht und du diesen nächsten Monaten mit Zuversicht entgegenblicken kannst! A special hug! xxxx

    • wonderlandbytatu December 24, 2013 at 12:09 pm #

      Vielen dank meine liebe Ute! Frohe Weihnachten und einen guten Rutsch ins Neue Jahr!!

  3. Maria Naxaki December 23, 2013 at 10:13 pm #

    Your doctor is wise – one day at a time! Sit back and try to relax (not easy, I know) for the sake of each and every one of you! I’m sending you all my love and positive energy:)

    • wonderlandbytatu December 24, 2013 at 12:11 pm #

      I will try to do my best. All my love to you, little Tiago & love of your life Nuno!

  4. December 24, 2013 at 4:41 am #

    You scarede with this post. Glad the baby is okay. Tense moment! Glad this incident crystalized things for you.

    • wonderlandbytatu December 24, 2013 at 12:17 pm #

      I might have been too graphic, I apologize for that. But you know me, I tell it like it is. I hope you have a wonderful holiday. All my love to you and your family!

      • December 24, 2013 at 6:50 pm #

        You were not too graphic. Your emotions came through. It was good writing.
        Ditto to you and your family.

      • wonderlandbytatu December 24, 2013 at 6:52 pm #

        That means a lot coming from you Larry, thank you!

      • December 24, 2013 at 7:04 pm #

        You are very welcome!

  5. sakuraandme December 24, 2013 at 3:29 pm #

    Oh T,
    I am so behind on post silly me didn’t even know you were pregnant. You poor love this is why you’re struggling? Shame, I am so very happy for you that YOU and the baby are okay. You must take it easy T like your Dr said. I know I know 2 children etc, but it will all run it’s course and in the end you will all be fine. Remember baby steps and one day at a time. My love goes out to you and I’m thinking of you and sending loads of good thoughts your way!
    Merry Christmas for tomorrow T. Many hugs Paula xxxxx

  6. Ice Beautiful December 25, 2013 at 2:42 am #

    Oh my dear Tatu, I feel you with all my hearth! Lots of hugs! Try to relax and have some rest (I know it is almost impossible). Happy Christmas!

  7. Anonymous December 25, 2013 at 11:59 am #

    So you will have MORE time to write nice posts here, talk to all of us, and watch silly TV series!! No problem then (you know I am kidding, but knowing you since 13 years old I give myself the benefit to joke with this situation – I don’t know how to handle it otherwise)
    Tatu, Merry Christmas! See that you wanted this baby more than you knew? 🙂

    • Anonymous December 25, 2013 at 8:51 pm #



  1. wan sepona time | wonderland by tatu - February 1, 2014

    […] since the incident, I have been calling my gynecologist every couple of days to give him a full report on my progress. […]

  2. 32 | wonderland by tatu - May 20, 2014

    […] holding on to this little guy tight ever since I had one of the most terrifying days of my life when I nearly lost him right before […]

  3. and then there were 3 | wonderland by tatu - July 1, 2014

    […] care of my lovely 2 + already burnt out husband of mine. I was severely petrified when N. found me in a pool of blood, sobbing like a lunatic as I was convinced I had just lost him. I felt panic & despair when my […]

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