What will you do if I die? N. repeated while I was trying to make sense of what he had just asked me.
WHAT?? Why would you ask me something like that?
Well…I am taking care of everyone right now cause you are stuck in bed/on the couch and I was wondering what would happen to my family if something horrible were to happen to me. In his defense I know where he is coming from. He is overwhelmed right now. The HOUSE and the KIDS were my jurisdiction. His was WORK. We were (are) a good team. For the last few weeks he has taken on WAY TOO MUCH although he is in complete denial of the situation we are currently in. Still…I am pregnant=hormones=way TOO emotional to take this question lightly so I wore my no-expression face and replied:
I would get off the couch, do all the work, lose the baby, sell the house and pick up the pieces. SATISFIED?
Stupid question = Stupid answer, that is what I always tell him if we engage in a meaningless conversation.
Thankfully we ended the discussion there.
The problem is his partly innocent, partly life-is-a-bitch-and-then-you-die kind of question got me thinking. I am currently having a tough time accepting the whole bed
arrest thing and find myself in the uncomfortable situation where I have SOOOO much time to over-think that my natural, realistic, non optimistic self goes down the road of preparing myself for the worst so that I will not be shattered should the worst come.
Lame right? I know. But the truth is I have been like this ever since I can remember. I blame my father for this. He is the most negative person I know. On.Earth.
The thing I have come to realize is, that the more negative you are about something the more likely it is to happen. I can’t explain it. It seems like negative people are drawn to negative energy.
What if I have a complicated pregnancy like I did with Iliana? I asked my gynecologist a few months back
Not all pregnancies are the same. Try not to worry about it too much though. Try and take it easy and it will go just fine, he replied in his calm voice.
Easier said than done.
A month later N. had to travel abroad and I had to take care of everything else. After the first couple of weeks of N. being gone, he returned with a strained back which left me taking care of my 3 ‘kids’ and everything else.
At one point I cracked and told N.: Hey, listen, you are forgetting that I am pregnant here. I don’t have the strength I used to. Take it easy or something horrible might happen, like a placental abruption or something. TRUE STORY. I could blame it on my newly discovered psychic powers but being a realist I might have just watched one too many episodes of The Mentalist lately.
A number of resolutions for the new year seem just too scary and stressful at the moment, so I have decided that I will focus on one and take it from there.
I will do my best to look at the bright side of life.
Any ideas on how to start?
Until next time
p.s. Happy, healthy & a fabulous New Year to all of you!