I turned and looked at N. and saw the huge smile on his face. He was glowing.
What did you want? my gynecologist asked me.
I want a healthy and strong baby. I didn’t care about the gender. I was just starting to let go of the fear of losing it and slowly beginning to ‘enjoy’ the idea of no3.
Well… If I want to be 100% truthful, I secretly wished for a girl. So did my sister Alex. But I am happy for Yiannis who kind of threatened me that if I wasn’t going to have a boy, I should just leave the whole holding on to this difficult pregnancy all together.
Why did I prefer having a girl? For the most irrational and biased reason in the world. I know you are not supposed to label your children (good luck with that) and you are not supposed to compare them either (more luck with that one) but…Yiannis has been my thunder and Iliana has been my sunshine ever since they made their first appearance in our world.
I have struggled to find the RIGHT way to communicate with my son. I can reassure you I have experienced the epic fails of the different WRONG ways I thought I would be able to handle certain situations. Now, after 6 1/2 years I have come much closer to finding out what works with him and what doesn’t. I still lack the abundant patience and the energy I need to work at it/with him everyday, 24/7. But, what I have come to realize is that by counting the number of times I fail at it, I don’t do anyone a favor. I need to cherish the few times that I do make it work and take it from there.
‘Don’t hold a grudge’ my brother in law told me yesterday when he visited. Its poisonous for everyone involved. That was by far THE BEST ADVICE I have ever been given.
LEARN TO LET GO and just START OVER.
This is what I will do. Its not going to be easy. But its definitely worth a try.
Until next time