‘I wish I had some time for myself’ I kept on telling N. Although I cherished the time I have had with Iliana for the last four years, I was convinced that the piece of the puzzle which was missing was some time for myself.
For the last couple of months, all I have is alone time. What do I do with it?
I vegetate. In front of my laptop or my phone. I occasionally eat (lets not forget the love affair I have with food). On good days, I semi force myself to knit, while watching one more episode of Suits, or Fringe, or the Blacklist or any other TV Series I am currently hooked on.
At least that is how I spend my mornings. I lose the luxury of vegetating once my kids arrive home. One would think that all this alone time should recharge my batteries. I should be calm and sweet and caring and the perfect mom to my children at least for the 4 hours I do spend with them until bedtime, right? HELL YEAH, but sadly this is not the case.
I have good intentions and am happy that they are back but one teeny tiny little misbehaving sets me on fire. WHY?
I am an extrovert. I thrive on meeting up with the people I hold close to my heart. Living in the suburbs doesn’t always make it easy so I used to spend Mondays to Wednesdays usually running errands (grocery store/bookstore/pharmacy/local fresh produce market/IKEA). On Thursdays, we would pick Yianni up from school and head to my sister’s place. We spent frantic afternoons trying to coordinate the needs of 5 children but when they were all tucked in bed, we spent some serious quality sister time (snacks and dvd).
On the weekends we usually had one quiet day (for my social introverted hubby N. to recharge his own batteries) and one day that I would cook for friends to come over and spend the day. There was a balance.
There is no balance now. Ever since my bed (ar)rest I stopped doing all of the above and instead of valuing the much anticipate alone time, I choose to vegetate. I postpone the few things I am able to do for the days to come. I tried explaining it to my sis and she said: hon, that’s what one might call depression.
But I am not depressed. I am not unhappy. I haven’t regretted the choice I made to keep this baby. Am I super excited about it? Not yet. I have been there twice already, I know what having a baby entails. I know the true meaning of ‘sleeping like a baby’ contrary to what it might mean to the ignorant (excuse my choice of words) non parents out there.
Life is good. It is sometimes just plain frustrating.
Until next time