32

20 May

I am almost there.

Officially I still have 8 weeks left. Realistically I will be ecstatic if I get another 4. Both my children decided to leave the premises at 36 weeks gestation and I have been holding on to this little guy tight ever since I had one of the most terrifying days of my life when I nearly lost him right before Christmas.

This has been, and still is, one hell of a ride. A roller coaster of emotions. At times I felt broken, I saw no hope, I thought we had hit a dead end. I felt like there was no way out. But you know what? There is (almost) always a light that will shine through. The impossible becomes possible. And what I feared would tear N. & me apart, made us actually a lot stronger. I feel more love, appreciation, respect for him than ever before. He picked me up when I fell down. Each. And. Every. Single. Time. He said the right words at the wrong time. He was there. 24/7. He was my rock. I am confident that I (we) wouldn’t be here if it hadn’t been for his support. This is what LOVE is all about you guys.

Cheesy? YOU BET. But, let’s not forget that I am still pregnant and I have the right to overindulge in the emotional outpouring of my soul. OK??

I have (finally) reached the stage where I am genuinely happy about #thelittleguyinside. I am confident that we took the right decision when we decided to play along the very scary (at least in the beginning) game of fate and keep him. I see the anticipation and joy in my kids faces when they ‘help’ in the preparation for their sibling. I also see the first signs of jealousy but I choose to look away. I know what’s coming and I know it will be exhausting and draining and challenging but also BREATHTAKING, BEAUTIFUL & FULFILLING.

I CAN’T WAIT!

Until next time (please keep your fingers crossed he will stay put at least for the next 4 weeks)

love

tatu

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9 Responses to “32”

  1. ramblingsfromamum May 20, 2014 at 8:44 am #

    my fingers are crossed that he cooks a little while longer in your oven 🙂 Look at you awww. I am so happy it has strengthened you and N (how could a baby not) – ok don’t answer that..and his siblings well…they will be chuffed, then loving, then jealous, possibly angry, then love … as we know you aren’t the only one on the emotional roller coaster they are right along with you! 🙂 Good luck sweety- you’re doing good – as we say xxx ❤

    • wonderlandbytatu May 20, 2014 at 8:56 am #

      thank you my dear MM! that sounds just about right, the kids will have their up and downs too. I imagine it will be harder for little miss sunshine as she will lose the forever cherished youngest-of-all title…xxx

  2. expatsincebirth May 20, 2014 at 10:16 am #

    Wao! That’s great! My fingers are crossed that he’ll stay with you for at least 4 more weeks. That’s so beautiful what you say about you and N. I know the feeling all so well 😉 And about your daughter: I’m sure she’ll become a fantastic “big sister” and will teach your youngest all she already knows 😉 Von Herzen alles Gute für den Endspurt! xxxxx

    • wonderlandbytatu May 20, 2014 at 10:57 am #

      Vielen dank liebe Ute!! Ich freue mich schon sehr auf den kleinen (alleine der Geruch), ich hoffe nur das er noch brav drinnen bleibt! Ich hoffe es geht dir & Familie gut! xxx

  3. Elina Zambounis May 20, 2014 at 3:16 pm #

    While reading this (master)piece of pure universal love, I had a flood of things I was eager to put down into this little comment box.
    Now that I finished reading there’s only one thing I want you to know.

    I love you Tatu mou!
    (and that includes the “proud of you”, “happy for you” and “wish you make it to a fantastic birth experience” parts!)

    and you will make it! I am sure!

  4. meditatingmummy May 22, 2014 at 2:23 pm #

    My dearest Tatu, while I have been away from the blogging world, you are not too far from my thoughts. I am hoping with all my being that this little guy holds on, will bring you the greatest joy and bring his gorgeous brother and sister together, just as he has united you and N and kept you sane and insane at the same time 🙂
    It will difficult, there will be ups and downs, there will be so many sleepless nights and throughout all of that you will smile, for look how far you’ve come. So proud of you my friend.
    I will be on a trip to Sri Lanka, but I hope you post and I send you all my love and good thoughts and prayers for a peaceful time for you. Thinking of you…
    xxxx

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