Is there such a thing as pre-grief?
Are we truly EVER ready for even the tiniest possibility of an early departure of a dear beloved?
The answer is NO. We are not.
To say that the new year kicked off in an awful way is an understatement. My mom was rushed to the hospital with all signs of pneumonia and was diagnosed with metastatic cancer. After 10+ years. Just when you think, you’re in the clear, BAM! Reality hits you in the face.
After numerous exhausting tests, endless talks and useless what ifs that belong in the past, it all came down to two ‘options’: 1)to start an urgent weekly chemotherapy treatment to try and fight the new cancer cells or 2)not do anything, accept defeat and wait for the end…
Although she had previously declared that she will never ever go through chemo again (as she suffered severe side effects the first time around), the devastating possibility of leaving too soon made her instantly change her mind.
So, while January was supposed to be all about celebrations (Yianni’s name day, Iliana turned 7 on my name day) it’s been an immensely challenging few weeks with a lot of
crying hospital visits, last minute change of plans, doctor’s appointments & denial of the new situation. Everything else (including my food blog) has been on hold. Until the new situation sets in.
Petra is a fighter. Has always been. Will always be. So, I trust that she/we will make the best out of this new reality. In her own words: I am not ready to die just yet. I still want to meet my great grand children.
So, here is to the now, making the best out of what we have left and hoping on a miracle.
Hope is the thing with feathers, by Emily Dickinson
‘Hope’ is the thing with feathers
That perches in the soul
And sings the tune without the word
And never stops at all
And sweetest in the Gale is heard
And sore must be the storm
That could abash the little Bird
That kept so many warm
I’ve heard it in the chillest land
And on the strangest Sea
Yet, never, in Extremity,
It asked a crumb of Me.
Until next time,